Living to Work or Working to Live...That is the Question

Over the past 11 years, I have been plagued with this question while living in Rome. I thought that choosing to live in Rome would have allowed me to simplify my work ethic and reduce my hunger to work and serve others...to recalibrate how I approach my work responsibilities and accept the easier work ethic that surrounds me. Tranquilla, fai con calma, non ti fregare...I figured, quite erroneously, that I would assimilate to the Italian work mentality: do what I need to do until 17:01 and then boom! just drop the pen, turn off the computer, and leave the office, as many Italian office people do (even many colleagues in US institutions).

However, I do not have a typical Italian office job for an entirely Italian company- and of course this is by choice. I work for and serve American students in international education and now have been even more emotionally drawn into the job since I work for my own school in Rome: a sort of No Man's Land where we are to abide by local laws while fostering an American educational tradition with the mother ship 2,000 kilometers away. Believe me, I am so happy to be doing this, do not get me wrong. It's just I find that I am all the more challenged in negotiating my role as lead customer care support and as administrator with her hands tied more often than not. I am the Ambassador for the disfunctionality of Italy....

As each day comes to a close, I realize more and more that I cannot simply adapt the attitude of rimbalzare- having things bounce off of you. (I am simply not the rubber ball-type) But I do need to compromise with the fact that I cannot become the glue for all the negativity on the earth and for the disfunctionality that does abound around me. Misery sure does love company and it is frighteningly easier to become devoured by negative acts and thoughts than by positive ones.

But what I do know is that when I hit the pillow at night, I know I helped a student or colleague approach a new challenge or at least smile and embrace what is Rome and/or the US, direclty or indirectly, by channelling a personal relationship, a personal connection to a new culture.
I am both: a strong American work-a-holic and a passionate Mediterranean who loves people. I do not have to choose, only balance work with pleasure.

Let's hope I do not self-implode.

Bamboccioni..They're not just in Italy

Working in international education in Rome allows me to have a critical distance for many things State-side. I work with and for college students. I love it- helping students make their study abroad dream become a reality nella Città Eterna. I enjoy being a part of the first semester of the rest of their lives: the amazing semester abroad that opens them up to a whole world of otherness, adventure and internationality.

However, it didn't really hit me until this year that they might be fleeing someone: their parents! I have to say that in all my 15 years of experience in international education, I have never felt such a protective parent alliance out there- yes, in the United States not Italy! We all know that the average Italian lives at home until way past their 30th birthday. Known as 'bamboccioni', these Italian youth are basically socially restricted: since they cannot find jobs, they remain at home with the p's until they can find a way to successfully contribute to society. They are protected and supported until the right moment comes along for them to fly the coop.

In the US, it is a totally different scenario- or at least it used to be. Nowadays, whether it is the crisis or whatever- there seems to be a trend in parenting where US 'bamboccioni' are becoming quite common. Not able to find jobs immediately after college due to the bleak state of the economy, many college grads have been forced to flock back home to mom and dad.

And these parents are quite protective of their fledglings being out there in the world alone- in Rome! Many of these helicopter parents are fending for their kids even if they are well beyond the age of 18! Don't get me wrong. I think it is great that these parents are involved in their son or daughter's life, but not to the point of filling out their application or sending emails on their behalf!! This subliminally strange need to live vicariously through their son or daughter is a bit unsettling. And, needless to say, impedes that individual to face life on her own.

Italian 'bamboccioni' are of course unique: high unemployment forces many of them into their state of eternal teenager. However, I do acknowledge that the US version is quite different and even more debilitating since it is pertpetuated by a parental need for control.

But does this control help or hinder? Familial support is necessary and I believe that is what compensates for the void in Italian public society. However, when does a parent let go?